sad

面对我真的那么辛苦吗？为什么要一直逃避我呢？
真的很伤心，为什么连朋友都不想跟我做了呢？
再见亦是朋友吗？不需要这样对我的。。。
可能你需要一点时间吧，又或者你怕你会再爱上我？
希望我们还是朋友。。。
不想和你只是陌生人。。。

乱。。。。。。

好久好久没有写部落格了，更不用说是华语的，嘻嘻。。。。。。每天晚上将要入睡时，都会想东想西，想事业爱情友情亲情。。。最近的心情起伏好大，有 点不知道自己在做什么的感觉，从毕业到现在，好像没有真正的开心过。毕业后就在CELCOM里做了四个月，虽然这份工不是那么让人满意，不过至少让我练好 了我的国语，总算没亏损，哈哈。。。不过到最后还是受不了而离开了，很不理智吧，还没找到另一份工就辞旨了。。。因为打算想去邻国找份工，多赚点钱。。。 可是待在家里一个月了，仍然还没找到，感觉好’废’，整天无所事事。。还记得当我要离开KL的那天，之前的HOUSEMATE帮我办了一个 FAREWELL PARTY。。。。。。好感动，真的，我真的真的没有想到会有那么一个PARTY， 说真的，我当天真的有点感动到快待不下去的感觉，真的很感激你们，我可爱的EX－HOUSEMATE。。。说真的离开了KL真的有点不舍得。。。 找工真的好难，尤其是想要找到理想的工作，又是在邻国那就难上加难，真是可悲，回想起来这张大学文凭好象不怎么有用，现在都讲究经验，你有经验，想要找工 还比大学文凭来的容易。。。我看，还是回到KL算了，哈哈。。。 还记得我决定要离开KL时，有个人问我会不会后悔，因为他说我的离开就等于我放弃了我最喜欢的人，现在想起来真的我后悔了。。。我不知道和她还会不会有结 果，只知道我不曾忘了她，虽然偶尔还有和她联络，不过感觉上她好象不在那么开心，就像之前一样无所不谈，我不知道是我们的距离拉远了，还是有其他原因，我 只知道她不在那么想和我说话。。。是我感觉错吗，还是。。。还记得以前，每晚还没入睡之前，我都会和她说声晚安，可是最近的一个月，却越来越少了，因为感 觉到好象有点在打扰的成份。。。还记得那一天看着她离开的那一天，心里真的有千千万万个不舍得。。。我真的不知道自己到底在做什么了，也许我终究是感情的 失败者，注定无法胜利吧。。。电脑播着JJ的新歌“不流泪的机场' ，心情更是低落。。。 唉，又是夜深的时候了，不知道她睡了没，算了，还是自己对自己说吧，哈哈。。。还记得。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 唉。。。。。。。。算了，下次有机会再写吧。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

13 December 2007

here is my story today, haih....... miss her again, everyday, every minute, always think of her, but wondering if she ever think of me for one second...... miss someone is painful, this is my first time like someone so truly, madly, deeply...... everytime when i miss her, i always wan to tell her tat i miss her, but i dun do so, coz she said she dun like i said like that, miss someone but need to trap in the heart, so painful, it's hard for me..... miss her in the night, miss her in the morning, do everything, saw her shadow wherever i am, but wondering will she ever think of me when she work, eat, sleep, or watever ....... miss ppl is painful, like someone is painful, but i still keep fall into the trap, enjoy the pain........ she is not very beautiful, but she is the beauty of my life, she is not very good, but her good is enough for me to crazy for her......... so love her for what i also duno......am i crazy?? i just hope maybe one day she really can know how much i love her, try to forget her for so many times but still i cant do it, like and love a person is hard but to forget a person is even hard..... everyday i pray to god, can u let her come to me, i really love her so so much......... but i know it's impossble now, coz the distance exist btw us, she had ever said if we are not at the same place, she will not really fall in love me, scare of hurt........ i really hope she can come here to wor with me, but i know she will not, coz she said she dun wan, but i just hope maybe one day some miracle will appear, and she will come to work with me, and be my gf, haih................. M, u know how much i like u, like u for 18months already, duno wat u feel??
have u ever like me?? currently feel like u are so strange, because of job?? just feel the distance btw us is bigger and bigger...... i really like u , but forgive me for i duno wat to do now, coz i really duno wat u feel......... i dun wan to disturb u if u really dun wan to contact with me, so i stop contact u now......hope u can forgive me..........